Chapter 12

XII

Perni’s Toes

“They can’t be the same bird,” Perni says.

“But why is there only ever one of them? And they’re all looking at me! If it’s not just one bird, then it must be a conspiracy of dozens of birds. That’s much more frightening, I think.”

“You just have too much to think about. You need to have a rest and stop trying to be a detective. That’s what detectives are for.”

“I had breakfast with a detective this morning,” Cubi says.

“Really?”

“I don’t know why.”

“Perhaps he was impressed by your amicable demeanour and wants to be your friend.”

“No, I wonder if maybe he thinks that I’m involved in something to do with Mec’s death and the theft. Oh Nog! Perni, you don’t think he thinks that I murdered Mec to get my hands on the painting?”

“Hold still. I’m sure he can tell that you wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“Aren’t you finished yet?”

“One nail to go. But this is just the base coat. Then comes the colour, then comes the top coat.”

Cubi sits in the chair by Perni’s bedside, with his feet in her lap. She applies nail polish to his toes with painstaking care. Someone else’s makeup bag sits by her side. In fact, as far as Cubi knows, Perni doesn’t own any makeup.

“Is purple really my colour?” Cubi asks.

“I don’t think it’s the colour for either of us. But it’s the least awful colour in the bag.”

“Are you sure you’re going to get your slippers back? Maybe she just wanted to get rid of it for good.”

“Slippers are a small price to pay, Cubi,” Perni says grandiosely. “I was struck by a vision. Personal revelation. A message from my subconscious, from Nog, or the Divine Spirit of the Hive Queen. I was struggling to get to sleep last night, when I saw my toes, right before my eyes, as clear as a plasma screen TV with the brightness turned all the way up.”

“Where were your toes through all this?”

“I don’t know, it was dark. Attached to my feet as usual, I presume, but perhaps they were in fact before my eyes. We’ll never know now.”

“Shame.”

“But in my vision, my toenails were a lovely colour.”

“What colour?”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“Not purple then?”

“And right next to my toes, were another set of toes. And I knew that they were your toes, Cubi. And they were the same colour! And I knew then that it was the most important thing in the world for us to have matching toenails. Worth even more than my treasured casual, indoor footwear.”

“If it’s that important, why have you stopped?”

“I need to let the base coat dry, Cubi.”

“Oh. Did you really have a vision?”

She squeezes Cubi’s ankle, making him squirm. “About toes? What do you think?”

“Stop it, that tickles! People are expected to believe crazier things.”

“True. But I’m not the one to tell them to do it.”

“I know.”

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” Perni says, examining Cubi’s feet. “I was thinking about all sorts of horrible things, so I tried to think about you instead. And suddenly I wanted us to have matching toenails. Or something matching, anyway.”

Cubi isn’t sure what to say. He finds Perni’s concern for his toes strangely very touching. Perni takes the nefarious bottle of purple fluid from the makeup bag and examines it casually, although Cubi can tell that she’s not really reading the ingredients, just trying to look like she’s doing something.

After a while, Perni starts applying the purple polish to Cubi’s toenails. Then his phone rings.

“Hello?”

Nothing in response but that strange rubbing sound. Cubi grimaces.

“Who is it?” Perni asks.

“Um, a pervert, perhaps?”

“Ooh! Let me hear!”

Cubi hands her the phone and she presses it to her ear. She starts to laugh naughtily. “Who is this? What are you doing?”

She hands it back to Cubi and he disconnects with a push of a button. “Freaky,” she says. “I never get dirty phone calls. I must not be attractive enough.”

“I’m not sure what it is,” Cubi asserts.

“Well, it sounds like an admirer to me…”

“Nice. Thanks.”

She squeezes his ankle again, eliciting a squeak. “Hold still and stop worrying about everything.”

*

When Perni has finished with Cubi’s toes she pats the bed by her hip and he squeezes up next to her again. Their feet are four in a row before them.

“See,” Perni says. “They match now.”

“Matching purple,” Cubi agrees dubiously.

Perni studies his expression and laughs. “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

Cubi blushes and Perni’s smile widens even more.

“Stop it,” Cubi says. “You’re just tormenting me for the fun of it.”

She squeezes him around the waist. At some point during the motion, the moment passes and she releases him again, clearing her throat. “Cubi,” she begins, carefully, “don’t get angry, but I think I’ve done all the lying around that I can. Tomorrow I’m going to… check out. De-commit myself. Whatever you call it. I just can’t waste the rest of - the rest of the next week lying around by myself.”

Cubi nods. “I understand.”

“Cubi…”

“What is it? Perni?”

She shrugs, as if what she has to say is of no consequence. “I still have some money left over from the project. I know you probably have things to do, your friend is dead and everything.”

“Perni, you know I’m only occupied with that because I want to find the money for you.”

“I know. It’s just, I was wondering if you’d like to go out somewhere special. Dinner in Honeyjewel Place, something of the sort. You know.”

Cubi taps his leg distractedly. “I know.”

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Would you like to?”

Cubi looks surprised. “Oh, Perni, of course. I assumed that I’d already said yes, or that you’d know I’d say yes, or something like that.”

“Thank you.”

“That’s okay. I’ll be doing it because I want to.”

Perni looks right in Cubi‘s eyes. “Can I ask you something else?”

She has the most intricate brown irises, Cubi can‘t help but be entranced. “Anything,” he says.

“What’s in the bag?”

Cubi looks down at the plastic bag he leant against the chair when he first sat down. “Oh that! It’s a copy of the manuscript for Mec’s last book. I’ve been seeing about publishing it. It’s incomplete, and it needs work. It’s not worth enough, before you start to think it might be.”

“That’s okay. I just wondered if you’d bought me something.”

“Would - would you like me to have bought you something?”

“No, no. It’s okay.”

“I can buy you something if you want,” Cubi says firmly. Then, more uncertainly: “What kind of something?”

“I don’t know. I just wondered. I shouldn’t have said anything. A book is interesting enough. Have you read it?”

“I’ve started it, but I can’t concentrate.”

“Can I read it?”

Cubi swings his legs round to grab the bag. When his bare feet touch the floor, they meet with an ice cold surface. He hops back on the bed quickly, bumping into Perni slightly. She takes the bag from him and pushes back playfully.

As Perni pulls the manuscript from its bag, its title is slowly revealed, splashed across a page in bold writing: Slink: Man or God.

“Ooh,” Perni says. “Weighty and controversial - just how I like them. Will you leave this with me tonight? I need something to read, rather than sitting here and worrying about, well…”

“Our toes.”

She laughs. “Yeah. Better keep my mind off toes.”

Cubi wriggles his own digits, comparing them to Perni’s. “It is nice that they match.”

Perni moves her feet closer to Cubi’s to ease the comparison. “It is nice, yes.”